Saturday, November 7, 2009


Hey World,
Yeah a little DanBrownesque... oh well... he's awesome.

I've been a bit down lately. Just feeling like i'm stuck in a rut. I'm even using cliche's, but really, i think that phrase accurately describes how i feel.

I have moved out of my parent's house. (not too far away though). My boyfriend lives with me, but i feel as though i'm taking care of his ass all the time. I'm the one paying for nearly everything all the time. He even owes me a ton of rent. But i love the little fucker. I've been feeling like i've been pushing him away though because of the money thing. I don't feel special when i'm playing a mother role instead of the girlfriend role. He should at least pitch in when he can. but instead he buys cigarttes. He's off weed though, so at least i know he's not wasting money on that. I just think he is feeling comfortable in his current situation. His mother was a single mom all his life, and she basically took care of everything. He should have probably gotten his own place before he moved in with me... a little growing up period for the transition.

Also another thing that bugs me is work. I absolutely hate my job. My boss is a total spaz. I have no time to be creative. They want me to do the impossible. Be at work early, stay late, and still not go into overtime. well it's not possible. Nit picking my every mistake... it's rediculous. And another thing that ticks me off about work is that this other girl at work is a grad student, and she gets all sorts of props for being a grad student and a full time employee... well i'm a fucking grad student too. Just because it isn't in Nursing, doesn't mean that i didn't work hard for it, or that it is a lesser accomplishment. I can do things they could never dream of doing. In fact, if they found out the things that i could do, they'd probably want me to to those things for them. But then again, they would never give me the time needed to do these projects, and they'd never pay me what it's worth. Outside of those walls, i charge 20$ an hour for my projects (which is really cheap... really really cheap) but they would want me to pay my hourly wage which is 16 and some change. And they would still want me to get everything else done (which i already stated was pretty impossible).

well on the other hand, i'm doing pretty good in my japanese class. There are some verbs i haven't gotten down yet, but i plan on studying those this weekend. And i'm enrolling in Mat Powers' advanced sequential narrative class. So that will be fun.

I just hope that Alex gets a job before I go off the deep end. It would be nice not to be so stressed out all the time. I wouldn't have to worry about where the money is going to come from all the time. And we could have the things we want, or not have to worry about whether to turn on the heat or not. Or worry about what we're going to eat. I'd just like to be comfortable, and have a little more free time to do the things that are important to me. It's like it's time for my life to be starting, but it seems like this is the beginning of the end. it's that part of the Lord of the Rings... after they destoy the ring, and they go back to the shire and do some things that no one cares about, and the movie is 3 hours longer than it should have been.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


youtube lets you customize your video players. It's neat, so i tried it, and here it is.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

your world

I'm not a part of your world
I don't take part in your games
I'm not friends with your friends
And I don't know anyone on your buddy list

I'm not a part of your world
With push button stimulation
The push and click results

I'm not a part of your world
completely consumed
secluded from the real world
you live in your head
on the living room floor

I'm not a part of your world,
And i'm sorry
I will never be
Never as good as them
Never doing the kinds of things that they do
Never tight or blond let alone both

I'm not a part of your world
I can be touched
I can feel pain
I can return thoughts and emotions
I can actually react to the things you say and do

I'm not a part of your world
And I can't compete
I'm never going to make you happy
So I'm giving up